10 years.

1.20am and I'm wide awake as usual. So tonight I was on facebook procrastinating my school work as usual when I had a sudden urge to look up Singapore. I flipped through random pages of people that I've never met before. Then an idea came to me, perhaps I could look up my old childhood friends and see if they were on facebook. I knew it was a long shot but I did it anyway, starting with the ones that I remembered the most. Soon enough I found a group dedicated to the class of 2001 for my primary school (it's the equivalent of elementary school here in the U.S). I hesitated at first to join, but hey it's my class too, though I left a year before I was supposed to graduate, nevertheless I felt I should join just to see if I could dig up any old friends.

So I sent friend request to a number of people whom sounded familiar, and I trust my memory that they were my old childhood friends. It's so strange to be able to see them after not being in contact with them for almost a decade. As I look through old pictures I found of my primary school, I began to feel nostalgic. How the years have gone, how we've grown so much, changed, matured.

It's not my class but this was what it would've looked like since everyone wore the same uniform haha.

hmm it's a tad small but that's the best I can do for now.

Well I'll try to get my class picture (the one without me in it T_T) and repost as soon as possible.

toodles for now!!

FIREWORKS and freedom?

In a few hours, it'll be the 5th of July. It'll be my twentieth birthday. So I'm sitting here enjoying my last few hours of my teenage years, reflecting back on all the memories that I've made. Turning 10 was a big step for me as I remembered, being 10 years old meant that my age now consists of two digits. Soon after that as I hit 13, I felt like a big kid, being able to be less dependent. I feel like my teenage years are as normal as they can be. I think the experiences that I've gone through are just about what every other teenager goes through. I laughed, I cried, I loved my way through those years. As a kid I looked forward to those years and now as an adult I look back and wished it would never end. I don't mind the endless supply of pimples and acne that I would have to face, as long as I still have my youth, I think I'll live haha. So I'm gonna be turning 20 now, that's a whole new digit in front. I think turning 20 really hits you hard and you start to realize that time is not enough. It never is enough, we just didn't realize it till we ran out of it. I really liked my teen years, I don't think I would change anything, maybe my grades but apart from that, I don't think I could've asked for anything more. All the people I've met, the places I've been. If I had to replay those years over again, I make sure I play it out the same way =). Well I'm really tired from frolicing in the sun today, enjoying my youth while it last. So now it's time for me to go to sleep and cross the threshold into a whole new chapter in my life. Its time for me to get serious about what I want to do with my life, where I wanna go and be in the future. On this note, I bid farewell to my adolescencs and hello to adulthood and all the joys and freedom that I hope it'll bring =)

Nostalgia

So it has come to my attention that every time I go to the park to play handball, there seems to be more and more kids around. At first I didn't really noticed them but as their numbers grew and grew I start seeing them in a whole different perspective. I used to see them as just a bunch of kids trying to past time by coming to the park to smack the ball around. But as I start seeing more of them, I began to noticed that they were all really close friends with each other or were relatives. And that's when it struck me that they didn't just come to play ball, they came because they wanted to see each other =)

....Sounds familiar?? yeah it should, those bunch of kids used to be me, they used to be you, they used to be....us. Looking at them run around and frolic in the sun reminded me of a more innocent and simpler time. Thought we thought back then about how fucked up and complicated life was, the truth was we had absolutely no idea what life was really about. With these thoughts flowing through my head, I get flashbacks of when I was back in 73. We used to run down 51st Ave after school everyday just to get a court to play handball on. And back then we had so very little worries yet we felt stressed. There used to be more of us back then, and we would all meet up at the park to just hang out. Well, times sure have changed. Look at us now....I guess high school was what did us in. Most of us went our separate ways, some found new friends, others just didn't have the time anymore. Never the less there are those who still carry on the same old tradition, and I truly appreciate those few individuals being there every time I walk onto the courts.

So I tried to get on a court and play with the kids, and they told me that I was too good in handball to play with them. It made me think of how I used to look up to the older kids back then and thought they were really good players. And I think to myself....how these kids view me as a handball player, how they might be looking up to me. Well the truth is...it is I who envy these kids. I envy their care-freeness, their simple ways of life, and the unconditioned joy and happiness provided by their friends and family around them. I envy them for the high school years yet to come. How I do miss those years...the people I've met, the memories I've made, and the places I've been =). But at the same time I resent them and curse them for what they have done to me...then again I can only blame myself for the choices that I've made. And last but not least I envy their innocence, which gives them the ability to enjoy life to a greater extent, one that far exceeds my own grasps at happiness.
Oh how I wish I could be a kid again...growing up sucks.. ='(

confused.

I'm begining to lose faith in all that I once held to be truth. What do you do when you're whole world starts to break apart from the misguided thoughts implanted in you from a more innocent time. I need to search myself and figure out what's wrong with society....or is something terribly wrong with me? I have to figure this out and untangle myself before it's too late. I don't want to end up being a dead knot. Perhaps I'm just lost...unable to understand how the way the world works. Whatever happened to those simpler times where everything was the way it seems. No lies, just the truth of what things really are. No mixed signals, no complex emotions, just plain simple truth...

I need to talk to God. God if you're listening... please help me find my way back. Answer my prayers and save me from this insanity.

T-H-R-E-E Steps.

Forgive, forget, let go...
In a lifetime, there will be disappointments, regrets, hate and many other negative emotions. These emotions are usually linked to an object, event, person or an idea. We are so severely affected by these emotions that we live through each and every day bearing the pain that they bring. And when the pain becomes unbearable, we tend to seek comfort and happiness in any way or form possible. Drinking, party, sex..the possibility for one's enjoyment are endless. But when we enjoy these things in the context of trying to escape reality, such trivial necessities start turning into drugs that eventually consumes us. Three simple steps will save you from such a fate.

Step 1: Forgive
As a Christian, I find this to be fairly easy. Forgiveness is one of the core aspects of Christianity. Just as God forgave us for our sins, we in turn must learn to not only forgive each other but also forgive ourselves. Then and only then will we be able to move onto step two and....
Step 2: Forget
forget about the past that haunts...no taunts us. When we have truly forgiven, we will no longer be influenced by the past and will be able to look back and laugh on it. Forgetting will grant us the key to finally break the chains that binds us to the past and thus allowing ourselves to finally...
Step 3: Let Go
let go and move on.

3 simple steps, just like that you'll have saved yourself. But sometimes when we try to save others, we suddenly find ourselves being the one in need of saving. That's why Superman had Lois Lane.

When we are blinded by the past,

it fuels the fires of our rage.

Which will slowly burn us,

and kill us painfully from within.

is CHIVALRY really dead?

I try my hardest to find you, yet you fail to keep showing.

I wait and wait for the longest, but you never came.

I've had visions of you, felt as if you were there.

But yet, they were nothing more than just illusions.

Nothing more than a light at the end of an endless tunnel.

Taunting me to keep running towards it,

Looking back I find myself back at the start.

Never to reach my happily ever after.

So I carry on, reading my endless story..

Ready to embrace eternity.

4 letters never ment so much.

As I wake up early this morning, I pray this would be another wonderful day. Though, I can't help but shake off the feeling that I'm missing something in my life. There's so much more to do, places to go, people to meet. Inspiration is what I lack the most, I try to find it everywhere I go, taking a moment to pause and breath in the beauty of it all. If life had a pause button, I'd pretty much would've worn out the button by now. So many precious moments that I wouldn't mind freezing for eternity. Call me naive, but I still believe that fairy tales really do exist in the real world. Part of me is still a kid, and it'll always be that way. I'll always love and seek to BE loved. Though in my journey to find love, I'm afraid I may have hurt a few individuals along the way.

"L-O-V-E"

How can four letters put together be so complicated? What exactly is love? Is it just a strong feeling of attraction or is it more than that? How is it that when we try our hardest, we let it slip through our fingers? And yet when we are not trying at all, it somehow finds us? Love can be express in so many ways. The love between friends and family, between a person and an inanimate object, love between a man and a woman. Such a wide spectrum of emotions make this word undefined. We cannot even try to fathom the idea of love, we can only embrace it and love. I Love You-